Think you have something insightful, or interesting to say about a Youtube video? Don’t bother. People don’t care. Repetition is the key to Youtube comment fame as long as you are early. That and spamming the hell out of the like button. That’s right…the system is broken as all hell.

What makes for a high rated Youtube comment? Watching a video and then posting lines from the video word for word, but only after saying something like “I liked the part when he said…”, and this usually ends up being the funniest line in the video. (ie. I liked the part when he said I like Turtles”) This is by far the most liked kind of comment on Youtube. Every popular video will either be this or just a plain direct quote of a line from the video.

Ever notice videos where they have 300 likes and the comment isn’t one of these lines, while basically every other comment has no likes, or just a couple? Obviously nobody likes this comment that much.

I believe, and I have tested this before, that if you go to the “view all comments” page and just start pounding on the like button for a comment over and over and over, that Youtube actually counts it. I am not making this up. I have seen it countless times and even tried it from different locations just to see if it works. Obviously if you are on the same computer/IP address you may think it is just fooling you that it counted them all. I have done it at different locations and seen it show up at the other under a different account. Try it yourself and let me know how it works. “I like turdholes” on a video about double rainbows being the #1 comment isn’t possible otherwise. Might be possible on a video about say….dual diagnosis, but not Double Rainbows OMG SO INTENSE!

Other high quality comment like situations are out there, but that is #1 by far.

Another top one is “X# of people missed the like button because…”, or the variation of “X# people got ______ by whoever is in the video doing something awesome” implying that the people are idiots and the person doing the awesome did it to them so they are “u mad”. OR “X# of people are justin beiber/Twilight fans”

“Thumbs up if you are viewer number 657,000″ or any number if a video all of a sudden is broken and it doesn’t count views anymore appears.

“Thumbs up if you like this videoz!!1!!1″

“The best part was when it was over”

“Twilight sucks” is gold for dozens of thumbs up.

“Justing Bieber is gay” is good.

“Fake and gay”

By all accounts you must stay away from these 3 types of comments:

1. Love it. Check out my vids here: ht t p : / / ww w. y o utu b e.co m/ ineedtodie

2. Any comment that says you like to do porn, pose nude, etc. and you are ugly as hell.

3. Any variation of the chain letters (click here for list of them):

“Because you have opened this… you will get kissed on the nearest possible Friday by the love of your life… if you don’t break the chain. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. However, if you don’t send this to at least 10 people by the stroke of midnight tonight you will be forever cursed in love. Just copy and paste this.. Good Luck!”

So…this is my “off the top of my head” list of comments I see on every video with over 50,000 views, as well as how to scam the comments theory I have. If you have more like “This is REAL music not like this Lil’ Wayne, 50 cent BS….” I would love to hear them. Happy commenting.

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Pranks that work are funny obviously, but when they go wrong it is all the better. Here are some pretty hilarious endings to pranks that were intended to scare someone, but ended up turning out badly for the prankster.

This first one is some TV show where a girl pretends she is one of those Japanese ghost girls and she really freaks a few people out, although you would think it wouldn’t actually work. The last guy doesn’t really mess around though. how to get rid of wrinkles under eyes

Not sure if you can say this one “went wrong”, but it sure scared the hell out of this lady and she is probably scarred for life.

and of course you have to go with these classics:

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Is there a better thing, or more worthless thing than when getting a new job having to sit in a room with an arcane VHS video player and being forced to watch workplace videos. You know the ones. Workplace safety, possibly Hazardous materials if you work around chemicals, and of course the infamous sexual harassment video.

While most probably do what I do and just fast forward through most of it so they don’t have to sit there for 2 hours watching these ridiculous videos, some actually are forced to watch them while they are observed by some HR Nazi that takes her job very seriously. To those people I salute you, because if it weren’t for you there wouldn’t be anyone that watched enough of these videos to find the most hilarious ones and post them on Youtube for all to enjoy.

This one is classic. I am going to go out on a limb and assume you can figure out this is a joke, but just pretend they showed you this at work and you have a cautery fetish.

If you have any more from your archives please post a link to them in the comments. See how many I actually approve and how many of you get spam flagged .

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Like I’ve been saying. I’m re-watching Lost from the beginning right now so it is on my mind. In between watching episodes I go on Youtube about everyday and well…lately I just get stuck watching stuff about Lost.
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I’m not sure I like many of the parodies I’ve seen. Some guy has the search term locked up on Youtube and frankly I think almost all of them suck. He has about a million of them based on whatever the hell. Like this one from Star Wars for example:

This was the one I was looking for though:

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Many times on message boards you enter into a debate about something. This typically works best if you are an armchair GM for a sports team, but you can pretend you understand just about anything by using this diagram.

Every time the idiot GM of your favorite sports team makes a move it is crucial that you show how strongly you agree, which makes him correct, or how strongly you disagree, which makes him wrong. There is no better way than trying use a scientificy sounding term like “process”.

It really doesn’t matter if it makes any sense in the instance at all. It doesn’t matter if you just sell textbooks, and have never actually played the sport you pretend to be an expert about. All that matters is other people that are likely as dumb as you are think that it is clever. This is where the diagram comes in. Instead of typing out some long and fact filled post, you can just call your GM a “genius”, or and “idiot” and then post this diagram. At least half the other posters will think you are a good poster.

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