From a scientific point of view Noah’s Ark makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Of course that doesn’t stop Christians from claiming to have found the ancient ark, or arguing that it was in fact a real event. I’ve even heard the term Noachian Flood, which I suppose is supposed to sound scientific. Just as scientific as aecg machines I imagine.

Nothing is more laughable than seeing arguments like this though as arguments. Here’s a taste:

Point out that to get two of each kind of animal from every part of the world may not be so unbelievable because of the size of the world at the time. The theory of Pangaea (which basically states that the continents were all connected forming one big “supercontinent”) is probably true. Before Noah’s flood, all of the land masses on earth were all joined to form one continent. This would eliminate the idea that animals would have to cross oceans to reach the ark.

Apparently the Humane Society is trying to have it removed from the Android App store. Human Society President Wayne Pacelle said: “the game could be used as virtual training ground for would-be dogfighters.” DAR…

It’s like the time I played Mortal Kombat and I decided that my training in that fighting game was a stepping stone for my own fight club. We decided that after we beat other fighters with pool cues we would allow fighters to rip the opponent’s head off with their spine attached after the matches if they lose. If it wasn’t for that game I never would have thought of it. Oh wait…I never did that.

Then of course we are getting quotes from none other than Mike Vick saying how he thinks that dog fighting is bad now and that it is a “dead end street”. Mainly because he got caught and was sent to jail because he had a dog fighting ring. pool cues

The website with the app on it decided to troll the Humane society though by saying: “Perhaps one day we will make gerbil wars or beta fish wars for people who can’t understand fantasy role play games,” it says.

Like many, I don’t even know anything this dude sings. Nothing. I see him and just move on, or stop listening. I have no reason for it. I just know that he is everywhere and he is basically gone from me not knowing who he is to background noise.

Regardless of me not knowing anything of his talents I still find the entire concept of him fascinating from an internet standpoint. While teen heartthrobs have been around forever, there has never been a perfect storm such as this one where a guy became known from just a few Youtube videos (which basically made him internet boomstick all by itself) to th most talked about person in the world. For like 2 years.

I actually kind of admire his scam. His team of marketing guys have trolled the holy hell out of everyone and gotten this guy more exposure than anyone I can ever remember. The fact that he rarely has negative press for being a jackass makes it even more astounding considering that he probably has a camera inside his brain monitoring his thoughts and turning them into waves of teen sex candy that is then emitted to every satellite in the universe and burned into homes and brains with super space age technology microchips that are inhaled through the ventilation systems in every public school. Yup. That is real.

What is most disturbing about all this is the amount of RAGE this guy instigates. 12 year-old fangirls are understandable. They are just easily influenced and coming into horniness. The sad part is that people of all ages spend more time talking smack about this guy than they do anything else. I wouldn’t be shocked to see the number of the new best desktops being tossed and kicked to pieces being in the thousands with the excuse being: Justin Bieber.

Just look at his new movie on IMDb.com. While I have already posted about people on IMDb being the dumbest people on the internet, this page and its message board may make you stab yourself reading it. It is the culmination of everything stupid that ever stupided in history of stupid.

Not only do the haters spend as much, if not more time hating him than the blind fans do loving him, they even put in the effort to make sure that this movie is the lowest rated of all-time. A few days ago the movie was rated a 1.4/10. Today it is rated at an astounding 1.1/10. It is unfathomable how this is actually possible really considering that this guy has so many fans.

It isn’t possible to get a rating this low just from a bunch of kids either. GROWN men and women literally have to be part of the campaign to rate down a movie by a 16 YEAR OLD KID to get the score this low. Unless you want to blame /b/ for it all, but seriously they can’t take credit for this.

IMDb will eventually say it’s a documentary and it won’t be eligible for the “250 Worst”. Making the whole campaign (yes there is a campaign on the message board here with hundreds of messages. Turn your brain to goo by reading it) even more absurd, and painful to watch.

This is so disgusting that there is literally a topic on that board right now titled: “Justin Bieber is sleeping at the back of the bus, you have a knife …” with the message saying “What would you do?”. Can you believe this crap? I don’t care how morbid your sense of humor is, I’m not sure you are mentally fit to post on a message board if these are your thoughts.

If it wasn’t so incredibly sad, I might find these haters something to laugh at. I just can’t though. If there was ever a case of group think it would be this.

This is a great moment in human psychology and its history. This case is so extreme that it may be appropriate for books to be written about how insane these people are. I actually have a short story in mind for it if I ever feel like writing it one day…which is probably never.

Even worse than the awful lie is that some doctor decided to write a paper about what happened to the kid:

Professor Vezhaventhan and Professor Jeyaraman, who treated the boy and later wrote a paper on the case, explained: “While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms.”

So much wrong with this story. Kid going to bathroom with a fish? Why did he take the fish out of the tank? Please tell me the doctor didn’t believe this story. He WROTE A PAPER ABOUT IT…HAHAHAHA

The fish the urologists removed, which Practical Fishkeeping believes to be a small member of the Betta genus, measured 2cm long and 1.5cm wide. Is this a new form of the best weight loss supplement?

He was later admitted into counseling to help him overcome any trauma. The only trauma this kid should have is all the kids at school calling his perverted bluff IMO.

Look…that original video is always going to be the best. You will never compete with them for views, or will you? This isn’t necessarily true. For the bigtime videos it certainly is. You aren’t going to pull 2 million views on a copy video that someone else uploaded that’s for sure. Of course all those 10-30,000 view videos are pretty fair game.

Take this remade Epic Football Fail video for example. This video was reuploaded with a slight twist from the original. The original has probably 2 million views already, but this one which was actually a video response, and probably a better video overall only has about 1500 views. The original got linked on Huffington Post so this guy has no chance, but at least it has added value for other users. I wouldn’t be completely upset if I clicked this video after watching the original like I would if some douche just changed the title and used the same vid again. IF you keep doing this your term life insurance rates are sure to go up.

What the hell am I even talking about here? Well this post is mainly to complain about all the damn repeat videos posted on Youtube with absolutely no effort to reinvent them for more entertainment. They are a WASTE OF TIME. All you need is Windows Movie Maker and anyone can change these videos enough to give us a new twist. Quit uploading the same shit I just watched again.

If you have been under a rock for a while you are going to find Mel Gibson berating his former lover to no end with offensive language, and racist remarks. Telling her for the most part that she is worthless and that he isn’t gonna put up with it anymore. He is truly a class act, and his career is going to be on the rise after this outburst. /sarcasm

Actually, he’s going to be doing infomercials and Mercury insurance reviews pretty soon with as many crazy rants as he has had.

So…after Lebron left his old Cleveland Cavs for the sunny Miami Heat to form the newest “Dream Team”, Cavs owner Dan Gilbert went into troll mode.

Earlier today this gem was released as a statement to the media from Gilbert:

Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

As you can see he is pretty upset. Clearly he felt that he had gotten a little more than just colon cleanse reviews but an anal cleansing for real.

Gilbert also owns the company that produces those obnoxious Fatheads. You know those life sized players you put up on walls that cost $99.99. Lebron has 3 of them in inventory, but they have been trimmed down to $17.41 at Fathead.com. The significance of this move? American Revolutionary War general Benedict Arnold, a traitor who defected to the British, was born in 1741.

This is gonna be some fun stuff over the next few weeks I imagine.

In the case of the Communion Wafer (Communion wafers represent the Body of Christ in a Christian Religion. Extremely holy), we see some fascination common purchases by the wafer customer.

It takes a customer review to point out the hilarity many times, and Amazon reviews are hilarious many times as you might remember from the 3 Wolf Moon T-shirt.

In the case of the Communion Wafer, this review was found to be most helpful:

I can’t be the only one to have noticed this…, January 13, 2010
By An Inquiring Mind
…but isn’t interesting that the same guys buying communion wafers are also ardent purchasers of astroglide?

Just sayin.

As you can see by the comments, there are more than a few that have poked their jabs at the Catholic priests, and any other aspect of Christianity. Why this is so funny is because Astroglide is LUBE. You know, if you know anything about lube that t is used to make teh sex a little bit more slippy slidey.

Why lube and Christianity together is comical is well…because Christianity goes out of its way to make sure that everything related to sexuality is considered sinful. Sexual thoughts, sex for pleasure instead of pro-creation, masturbation is a huge no-no. The Catholic religion in particular makes sex something that any good Catholic should feel guilty about at all times, and surely will get them sent to hell if they even think about it. That’s right, you can’t even lust after a hot woman if you are Catholic because god will know you are and that is a sin. Makes you wonder why they even buy things like anti wrinkle face cream and super sweet clothes to look impressive at church on Sundays.

Besides the Astroglide being a top customer purchase by those who want Jesus in a cracker box, it appears that even the most devout followers (you must be devout if you are actually buying Christ wafers aren’t you?) have some misgivings about their faith. They are breaking a major law of the Bible and looking into FALSE GODS! Yes, that’s right. One of the other purchases are The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! A false religion that was invented by people that are atheist to make fun of other religions.

and of course good Christians can’t possibly forget about the Jesus Killer Jews now can they? This has to be some sort of sub-conscious purchase here. Customers also bought the DVD entitle “Holocaust”…LMAO

There are plenty of other great reviews on the Communion Wafers page, so spend some time there checking them out. I just posted the “Most helpful” review, but others have joined seeking attention as well.

If you ever see a conversation about economic governmental theory on a board with younger users, it is probable that most of these youngters are either spouting Socialism, or Communism ideals like they just “figured it all out”.

It’s laughable in every instance. They are completely clueless in how the world actually works.

Capitalism on the other hand is seen as pure evil. Here are some random examples of Capitalistic hate:

Pro-Capitalism Guy: People that say that Capitalism “is harder for poor people blah blah…”

The REAL answer is that it is “harder for STUPID and LAZY people…”

Anti-Capitalism Guy: The problem is, stupid and lazy people with rich parents have it easier than stupid and lazy people with poor parents.

Pro-Capitalism Guy: Are stupid and lazy people slaves? They have human rights. They don’t deserve everything that costs money free.

Anti-Capitalism Guy: But the stupid and lazy people with large inheritances get it free anyway.

Pro-Capitalism Guy: Fortunately, everyone else doesn’t have to PAY for those people being stupid and lazy.

Anti-Capitalism Guy: That’s obvious. I’m still saying it ends up in unfair advantages.

Which is why there might as well be a 100% inheritance tax. When you’re dead you no longer have the capacity to care about money.

Pro-Capitalism Guy: Wow…you are an idiot.

——————
Basically most people that are poor online hate rich people no matter what and have Robin Hood syndrome. While nobody ever said Capitalism is perfect, it’s not bad for the reasons most of these morons think it is bad. At least in a Capitalistic society you can get stuff like cheap weight loss pills because of competition if you are fat and lazy. Illogical fools.

he has no known weaknesses.

he has every vampire power.

he also has the power to levitate marshmallows.

So if you were to compare him to every vampire out there, he clearly looks as if he is the greatest. Of course he even makes super sweet cereal as well.

YOU CAN’T KILL HIM. HIS WEAKNESSES ARE ZERO.

Not even getting jobs philadelphia would be enough to destroy his soul.

Look at these crap cereal toys: