Not sure why I have never posted about this before, but until I made another post that referenced it I didn’t realize I hadn’t. So…what the hell is Poe’s Law?

From a trolling perspective it is one of the most difficult to recognize. Not for everyone, but there are quite a few people that can’t pick up on this kind of parody. Well…if you spend enough time online you probably already realize that a significant portion of the morons that watch and read stories of this nature can’t tell if it is real. Satire and parody for many is just as foreign as another language it appears online.

Anyways, Poe’s Law states (From RationalWiki):

“Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won’t mistake for the real thing.”

Again, according to RationalWiki, Poe’s Law was originally formulated by Nathan Poe in August 2005. The law emerged at the Creation & Evolution forum on the website Christianforums.com. Like most such places, it had seen a large number of creationist parody postings and these parody posts were usually followed by at least one user starting a flame war (a series of angry and offensive personal attacks) thinking it was a real post. Nathan Poe summarized this pattern in his original formulation of the law mentioned above.

While that is an apt definition, I have already stated that people can’t even tell what satire is most of the time, so this definition may be a little loose, and not really describe this as well as it could.

This “Law” is almost exclusively related to religious fundamentalism, although it has expanded since that original statement was made. Taking on any maniacal fundamentalism.

So the recent post I made has a girl that whipped out her camcorders at the bottom shoeing a perfect demonstration of Poe’s Law.

For even more in depth examples of this check here. If you are bored and want to see some people that have taken it to another level just go visit the Landover Baptist Church forums and read.

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This post probably makes a lot more sense to men than women, but surely some of the people that will ultimately find this post were searching for it to see what the hell it meant right? You see as men we are quite shallow, and we don’t hide it. 919 is just another example of it.

919, or seen sometimes as (919) is nothing more than a very simple, and very quick rating system for a female. Sure you could use it to rate a male, but it is mainly, and supposed to be used to rate females exclusively.

As you probably guessed this numbering system was likely taken from the area codes of phone numbers and just translated to rate the looks of a woman. If you guessed that the 1 had something to do with a personality or something, think again. Men don’t care about that.
stainless steel barrels at drumsofsteel.com

Here are what the numbers mean:

First number (0-9) – used to rate the woman’s face. 0 being the worst, and 9 being the perfect face.

Second Number (0, or 1) – Used solely to determine if you want to have sex with said person. 1 being a yes, and 0 being a no. If you are a real freak of a man you may use 1 for every female you rate. The most apt way to describe this notion is that the women who rate very low in the other 2 numbers, but still get a 1 here can be classified in a couple ways as listed below:

1. Slump Buster: Made famous by Chicago Cubs 1st Baseman, Mark Grace, a slump buster is used when you need to get some superstition in your life. Having sex with a very fat, or ugly woman is no less than “Taking one for the team”. This should help in his case to hit better in his games and get off his “slump”. For regular Joes this is mostly related to not getting laid in a REALLY long time. So they just bang anyone that says yes no matter the disfigurement in hopes this will break them out of their slumps. “Taking one for the team” for a normal guy is just doing a buddy a favor and usually you will be getting a beast in the process.

   If asked about any of the above situations your reply should always be: “Fat girls need lovin’ too.”

2. Nobody is ever going to know: It means what it says. If you happen to be out at some hick bar in a town you aren’t from you can get away with it. On a business trip? Nobody is ever going to know.

Third Number (0-9) - This number is for the body. 9 being the most perfect obviously.

So…while the middle number is probably redundant considering that if a female ranked a 919 has a perfect face AND body, only a eunuch would claim not to want to have sex with her, it is still used. Mainly I believe for those guys that have freaky tastes like fat girls. You might rate someone like Star Jones, or Orprah a 417 if you are a lover of big girls. She may not be pretty, but you like the motion of the ocean.

Quite a subjective scale obviously. We all have different tastes. Some may be huge fans of freckles and give the face a little bump for that. Others may like big ol booties, while others like them a bit more firm. Arguments can ensue over such tastes, but that middle number is almost always going to be a solid 1 no matter who it is.

Who is my 919?

Adriana Lima yeah baby

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Yeah this was really great 10 years ago when it first came out and wasn’t that big a deal when just a few places used it. Now every damn sign up page on the internet uses CAPTCHA. Even a lot of message boards and blogs use them JUST TO POST A MESSAGE when you already have an account that is verified.

According to Wiki: CAPTCHA is a type of challenge-response test used in computing to ensure that the response is not generated by a computer. The process usually involves one computer (a server) asking a user to complete a simple test which the computer is able to generate and grade. Because other computers are unable to solve the CAPTCHA, any user entering a correct solution is presumed to be human.

If the computers can’t tell what these are, why exactly do we not just see very clear numbers, or letters so that it is actually possible to input the correct ones the first time?

You know what? It wouldn’t be so bad if these things didn’t try and get cute and make the letters look like Chinese symbols and then ask you to enter them as English letters. Of course you have to enter them 6 times because they use “Ls” and “I’s” and zeros and “O’s” capitalized and not. They are case sensitive and they decide to use these letters in itallics with spiderwebs over the top of them, blood animation dropping on the spider webs, with blinking lights in the background in light pink with “Eat at Joe’s” stamped over the top and then mixing them up like they are in a bowl of alphabet soup so you can’t tell which one goes first. Then after the 5th time you decide to just keep hitting refresh over and over until you get lucky enough to see 5-6 letter you can actually recognize clearly and even that doesn’t work. Finally, you get in and smoke a box cigars in celebration only to forget why the hell you were registering for this site in the first place.

Listen, trolls need to create A LOT of accounts on the internet. Dozens of usernames on message boards, and they need to set up 600 e-mail accounts in seconds just so they have an e-mail to “confirm” their account. That’s another thing. If I have to CONFIRM BY E-Mail why the flying frickin’ hell do I need to use CAPTCHA in the first place?

Die CAPTCHA, Die!

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Many times on message boards you enter into a debate about something. This typically works best if you are an armchair GM for a sports team, but you can pretend you understand just about anything by using this diagram.

Every time the idiot GM of your favorite sports team makes a move it is crucial that you show how strongly you agree, which makes him correct, or how strongly you disagree, which makes him wrong. There is no better way than trying use a scientificy sounding term like “process”.

It really doesn’t matter if it makes any sense in the instance at all. It doesn’t matter if you just sell textbooks, and have never actually played the sport you pretend to be an expert about. All that matters is other people that are likely as dumb as you are think that it is clever. This is where the diagram comes in. Instead of typing out some long and fact filled post, you can just call your GM a “genius”, or and “idiot” and then post this diagram. At least half the other posters will think you are a good poster.

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The internet gets pretty intense at times. So much so that you may not even be able to string together words to show your RAGE at a troll, or someone else that is too stupid to write a complete sentence. This is when you show your true laziness and just go with the things that make the internet great. Nothing words.

When someone is saying things that are so stupid you can’t even comprehend them enough to respond it is time to use terms that make no sense. Like grunts and noises in word form. Also, it is used for terrible insults that are so bad that you don’t even care to respond like a human. Like some guy telling you “Ur Mom”, or get some quick weight loss tips tubby”. Here are two examples of these words:

“Hurr Durr“: Just say it. Doesn’t it sounds like it hurts? It should hurt if you do it right. Nothing shows more disgust than using this term. It shows you just can’t even lower yourself to make a coherent response.

“DAR, or dar, or darrrr“: Literally the same meaning as “hurr durrr” , but a slight variation and much faster. String together more R’s to drive your point home. Maybe even holding down R for 10 lines of a message box.

Sometimes something is funny. Well slightly amusing. Sick of “lawling, and lulzing”? It wasn’t really that funny was it? Just say what you really did:

“Heh”

Did someone think they said something clever, or funny? Did you watch something that you thought might be entertaining, or play a game you thought you would like, but were totally underwhelmed? IS whatever it is the definition of mediocrity? This is when you just use this term to display your disgust at wasting your time:

“Meh”

Nothing words. The way the internet should be because the words look like they sound.

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