In all the years the internet has been around in mass use, is there any phenomenon more intense, or simply insane than this kid Justin Bieber?

Like many, I don’t even know anything this dude sings. Nothing. I see him and just move on, or stop listening. I have no reason for it. I just know that he is everywhere and he is basically gone from me not knowing who he is to background noise.

Regardless of me not knowing anything of his talents I still find the entire concept of him fascinating from an internet standpoint. While teen heartthrobs have been around forever, there has never been a perfect storm such as this one where a guy became known from just a few Youtube videos (which basically made him internet boomstick all by itself) to th most talked about person in the world. For like 2 years.

I actually kind of admire his scam. His team of marketing guys have trolled the holy hell out of everyone and gotten this guy more exposure than anyone I can ever remember. The fact that he rarely has negative press for being a jackass makes it even more astounding considering that he probably has a camera inside his brain monitoring his thoughts and turning them into waves of teen sex candy that is then emitted to every satellite in the universe and burned into homes and brains with super space age technology microchips that are inhaled through the ventilation systems in every public school. Yup. That is real.

What is most disturbing about all this is the amount of RAGE this guy instigates. 12 year-old fangirls are understandable. They are just easily influenced and coming into horniness. The sad part is that people of all ages spend more time talking smack about this guy than they do anything else. I wouldn’t be shocked to see the number of the new best desktops being tossed and kicked to pieces being in the thousands with the excuse being: Justin Bieber.

Just look at his new movie on IMDb.com. While I have already posted about people on IMDb being the dumbest people on the internet, this page and its message board may make you stab yourself reading it. It is the culmination of everything stupid that ever stupided in history of stupid.

Not only do the haters spend as much, if not more time hating him than the blind fans do loving him, they even put in the effort to make sure that this movie is the lowest rated of all-time. A few days ago the movie was rated a 1.4/10. Today it is rated at an astounding 1.1/10. It is unfathomable how this is actually possible really considering that this guy has so many fans.

It isn’t possible to get a rating this low just from a bunch of kids either. GROWN men and women literally have to be part of the campaign to rate down a movie by a 16 YEAR OLD KID to get the score this low. Unless you want to blame /b/ for it all, but seriously they can’t take credit for this.

IMDb will eventually say it’s a documentary and it won’t be eligible for the “250 Worst”. Making the whole campaign (yes there is a campaign on the message board here with hundreds of messages. Turn your brain to goo by reading it) even more absurd, and painful to watch.

This is so disgusting that there is literally a topic on that board right now titled: “Justin Bieber is sleeping at the back of the bus, you have a knife …” with the message saying “What would you do?”. Can you believe this crap? I don’t care how morbid your sense of humor is, I’m not sure you are mentally fit to post on a message board if these are your thoughts.

If it wasn’t so incredibly sad, I might find these haters something to laugh at. I just can’t though. If there was ever a case of group think it would be this.

This is a great moment in human psychology and its history. This case is so extreme that it may be appropriate for books to be written about how insane these people are. I actually have a short story in mind for it if I ever feel like writing it one day…which is probably never.

When household chores go wrong. According to a 14 year old boy a fish got into his penis when he was CLEANING HIS FISH TANK. Oh my. I wasn’t aware that having your penis out while you cleaned a fish tank was the proper method. I’ve been doing it wrong all along.

Even worse than the awful lie is that some doctor decided to write a paper about what happened to the kid:

Professor Vezhaventhan and Professor Jeyaraman, who treated the boy and later wrote a paper on the case, explained: “While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms.”

So much wrong with this story. Kid going to bathroom with a fish? Why did he take the fish out of the tank? Please tell me the doctor didn’t believe this story. He WROTE A PAPER ABOUT IT…HAHAHAHA

The fish the urologists removed, which Practical Fishkeeping believes to be a small member of the Betta genus, measured 2cm long and 1.5cm wide. Is this a new form of the best weight loss supplement?

He was later admitted into counseling to help him overcome any trauma. The only trauma this kid should have is all the kids at school calling his perverted bluff IMO.

This is less an informative post than it is a request. If you didn’t realize that trolling Facebook and Twitter pages was encouraged that is about all you will learn from this post. The request is that I am sorely lacking classic examples of trolling on these two forums.

Part of this is pure laziness on my part, but also my lack of saving examples of it when I do see it and get a good laugh. Just seems that when it pops up I am busy and just don’t have that few seconds to copy it down and save it somewhere for later archiving because I’m browsing wholesale appliances or pulling Ebay scams, or something.

So…this request is to share with me and others examples of this you have seen so we can all get some laughs and possibly ideas of future social media network trolling.

Well…it looks like a whole plethora of memes should be finding their way to Youtube and the internet in general soon.

Follow the trail…poor kid…hurr durr father

Perfect lesson for not being an idiot on the internet.

Oh and this is great:

I guess common sense doesn’t come into play here when you are too lazy to wash your balls right idiot? Let me just tell you what happens before you go off and do it so I don’t have to hear this story again from the 50th person to do it and feel the need to discuss it. I’m surprised I haven;t seen a slide show of this being done yet. IT WILL BURN YOUR BALLS. IT WILL HURT. So after all that you have to wash them anyways to get the pain away.

Now, you probably want to go off and do it immediately because you love the pain, but if you actually ever do get laid put more thought into it. Do you think ladies like the taste of Axe body spray? Do you want a blow job, with extra effort? Do you want your BJ finished? Quit putting rank ass stuff on your nuts that will immediately end your BJ. Wash your balls regularly and splash some powder down there to keep them things from getting musty.