I think it is safe to say that we don’t need to wait 10 years to call this show craptastic. Have I ever seen the show? No. Will I ever watch it? Unlikely.

I was just browsing around today and the thought popped into my head that I would like to know how much money they pay you to have a baby as a teen on MTV these days. According to the court records of one of the white trash stars it appears that she makes at least $140,000 per 6 month deal. For you math majors that’s $280K a year. Doubt any charlotte jobs will get you that much.

Of course that doesn’t count all the awesome talk show appearances, and whatever else. MTV loves to play the pimp. Bang some dude without protection and become a star!

Honestly, I don’t give a crap enough to even look up any of the people, or to find a video of the show at all. My curiosity has been purged and that really was all I wanted.

Watch this video because it is beautiful.

Back before MTV went totally away from music and became a channel about pregnant teens and degenerate bar hopping psychos, they had this game show on called Remote Control.

The saddest part about this show is that it could probably never work now on MTV. Even though this wasn’t “music” really, the show was based on answering questions relating to pop culture, but the final round was based on music videos. The contestants had a clock to beat where they had to watch little clips of music videos on some big TV wall and had to get as many correct in the time to win. We know so little about music videos now due to never seeing any that nobody could win on this show today. I probably know more about rv repair than I do about Eminem’s most recent videos.

Remote Control is a TV game show that ran on MTV for three seasons from 1987 until 1990. It was MTV’s first original non-musical program. Was this the downfall? New episodes were made for first-run syndication in 1989 which were distributed by Viacom. Three contestants answered trivia questions on movies, music, and television, many of which were presented in skit format.

Colin Quinn was on this show as the MC. The host was some dude named Ken Ober. They also had guests that did a bunch of skits, and the most famous of them was Adam Sandler. This was BEFORE he was on Saturday Night Live.

Intro:

First Remote Control Episode:

Look at the clothes these douchebags in the audience are wearing.

As embarrassing as this is to say…I actually used to watch this show every week. Why? No idea, but I did. Maybe it was her hot friend Six played by Jenna von Oÿ. Yeah her name was Six. She has some strip dance in a movie I saw here (no nudity). Some low grade crap movie.

Blossom was extra uggo by comparison. Made Six look even hotter just because of the law of hot girl with ugly friend. Blossom was a play on words because she had a huge nose and looked like a mutant.

Oh and those stupid, stupid HATS. They both wore these weirdo country style moron hats that people in weirdo towns wear.

Uggg…either those or some sort of Cat in the HAt hat with a flower on it. Repulsive.

Blossom was broadcast from 1990 to 1995 on NBC. The series stars Mayim Bialik as Blossom Russo, a teenage girl living with her father and two brothers.

Her brothers were teen heartthrob Joey Lawrence who played…wait for it…Joey and some other guy that had a funky nose too.

Joey Lawrence was like a huge star back then. Teen girls loved him. HE even had his own ridiculous catch phrase: “Whoa!”. Yup…that was his goddamn catch phrase. “Whoa!”

This show touched on a lot of teen subjects like pregnancy. Six was a little slut I think IIRC. Blossom even got laid on this show somehow. Dad was all “dun touch me daughter” and all protective when some dude had her in his barska sites. So were her dimwitted brothers. Should have been like “You go Blossom. I am shocked someone wants to do you!”

So yeah…Blossom was a nerd. Six was a whore. Joey was an American Idiot. Her other brother was a drunk I think. Dad was a dad.

Blossom Intro

Video games came into prominence more or less in the early 1980s. For argument’s sake I doubt there were video game cartoons for Pong. Some of the earliest video game cartoons featured the classic heroes like Pac Man, Pitfall Harry, Q-Bert, and even Frogger. Yes…ridiculous as it may sound they had cartoons with these character in them.

Saturday Supercade

It feels soooo right…

It ran for two seasons on CBS beginning in 1983. Each episode was composed of several shorter segments featuring video game characters from the Golden age of video arcade games.

Keep in mind this is before Super Mario Bros. This was when we only knew Mario from Donkey Kong! Instead of sleeping pills you got thumped on the head with a hammer in these days.

The debut characters included:

Frogger (from the Frogger arcade game)
Donkey Kong with Mario, Pauline, and Donkey Kong Jr. (from the Donkey Kong game)
Q*bert with Coily, Ugg, Wrongway, Slick and Sam (from the Q*Bert arcade game)
Pitfall Harry with his pet mountain lion Quickclaw and his niece Rhonda (unlike others, which are arcade games, this is from home console games, which are Pitfall! and Pitfall II: Lost Caverns) The cartoon was simply called Pitfall!.

Pitfall and Q-Bert rotated weekly while the other three were weekly.

During the second season, Q-Bert (now weekly) and Donkey Kong remained while the Frogger, Donkey Kong Jr. and Pitfall Harry segments were replaced by shorts featuring:

Space Ace with Space Ace/Dexter (depending on his form), Kimberly, and Borf (from the Space Ace arcade game).
Kangaroo with friends and the “Monkey Business Gang”. (from the Kangaroo arcade game).

So…weird…

What is strange about this show is that I never used to watch it when I was a kid. I mean why would I? I’m a guy after all. Of course I did watch She-Ra so maybe I did watch this *cough*

Jem is truly outrageous. Truly truly truly outrageous. Jem! Is truly outrag… Oh sorry (see video intro below). This song is what I remember about this show. It sticks in your head so easily that even if you didn’t want to watch the show you probably would have. I think it held subliminal messages to make you watch it.

That being said I remember almost nothing about this show. In fact if you asked me about it I would probably only remember the song. I think this may be a good sign. Means I wasn’t really a fan, and possibly I never actually watched it. I was a real man as a kid after all.

Jem ran from 1985 to 1988 in U.S. first-run syndication. The show is about music company owner Jerrica Benton, her singer alter-ego Jem, her band the Holograms, and their adventures.

Read this with a straight face:

The central “secret” of the series is that Jem, lead singer and frontwoman of the rock group Jem and The Holograms, is in fact the alter ego of Jerrica Benton, owner/manager of Starlight Music. Jerrica adopts this persona with the help of a holographic computer, known as Synergy, which was built by Jerrica’s father to be “the ultimate audio-visual entertainment synthesizer” and is bequeathed to Jerrica after his passing. Jerrica is then able to command Synergy to project “the Jem hologram” over herself by means of the remote micro projectors in her earrings, thus disguising her features and clothing and enabling her to assume the Jem persona. She does so to acquire money to support Starlight Music and the Starlight Foundation for Girls, a foster program founded by her late mother Jacqui Benton. Clearly a better option than Most effective diet pills for women. She has the “secret”.