Most Offensive Christmas

For those that don’t feel like celebrating Christmas this year there are a lot of offensive Christmas videos out there. From the South Park “Most Offensive Christmas Song” to all other sorts of very low brow favorites.

Sure there are some hearty fun songs for Christmas, but the most offensive Christmas vids aren’t to be missed. Fire up your refurbished laptops and grab the hand ZillaTube to steal all these videos for your hard drive.

The classic Mad TV Rudolph would be nice to post, but every single one of them are disabled for embedding on Youtube. Still you always have to give the classic Raging Rudolph a whirl.

There probably isn’t anything more offensive than this site. This site has the famous A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa. Rudolph the 5-legged Reindeer, and How the Grinch Stole Kwanzaa to name a few.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood Single Player Review

EDIT: Ezio won the VGA Character of the Year Award. AC:B also won the Action/Adventure GOTY Award there. See video at bottom for his speech.

I’m still trying to decide what I think my favorite game this year was, but Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood is most definitely in the conversation. I wasn’t waiting for this game to come out at all. In fact I wasn’t even aware there would be an Assassin’s Creed before AC3 was released. I completely expected this game to feel like a big expansion pack for Assassin’s Creed 2. At $60 I was sure I was going to be ripped off. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

First off, I never played Assassin’s Creed (AC1). By the time I got my Playstation 3 there were way too many other games to play that I never thought of it. I planned to play it when Assassin’s Creed 2 (AC2) came out, but try as I might I couldn’t find the game anywhere, and just ended up getting AC2 instead. Since everyone says going back is brutal, I have never tried.

I enjoyed AC2 quite a bit, and since Fallout: New Vegas (Here’s and early Fallout: New Vegas Review from me) was turning into a piling steam of frustration due to glitches and freezing I was ready to play something else. That game was Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood (AC:B I will use these abbreviations as this name is too long to post every time).

For this review I will stick solely to single player as I have yet to play Multiplayer enough to give a good report on it. I may do a MP review later if I get some time to play it enough. I will say though that the online is unique and fun for me. It is basically a cat and mouse game of hunting down other assassins and should appeal to stealth gamers and people that like stuff such as Metal Gear Online. FPS fans used to run and gun may not like it much. Also, there are online trophies/achievements in this game so you HAVE to play the MP if you want them all.

As Brotherhood opens you start at the exact point of where AC2 left off. Ezio was in the room listening to Minerva tell him a strange tale where she specifically mentions Desmond to Ezio, who understandably has no idea who he is. The opening scene is Ezio taking a break and having a little “fun”. He is also quite a bit older than he was in most of AC2 (there are a couple funny comments about his age in this).

After the attack on Mario’s Villa, Ezio of course loses all kinds of his loot and we are starting from scratch with our inventory. He helps the villagers escape and rides away on a horse where he collapses only to find himself wake up in a bed. He is told to go visit Machiavelli (yes the real one), another assassin, and the adventure is ready to begin.

Many of us thought this story would be using Desmond much more in the gameplay, but we play almost entirely as Ezio just like AC2. This is a good thing, as Desmond sucks IMO at least up to this point. We do see Desmond in several side scenes, and we do get to play as him at certain points (There is even a Desmond skin available), but this is a continuation of Ezio’s journey.

We play only in Rome here. One city with no traveling to various locations. This is completely fine as Rome is likely as big, or bigger than all the areas in AC2 together. The architecture is spot on once again with several famous locations like the Colosseum, Pantheon, and several others. It may feel similar, but there are quests that send you back to Floria which should give you a very good idea of how different the architecture is from glass tile to paintings, to roof structure, and even plant life. The city is excellent and the world is amazing. Shadows are much improved and I mean they look incredible. The ability to climb anywhere feels just as natural.

Combat has evolved a little and for the better. Instead of endlessly countering to make kills as you did in AC2, in Brotherhood you are able to string together kills in a smooth flow from one enemy to another. You can do EVERYTHING you could in AC2, but AC:B has added quite a bit more variety to the overall combat and makes it much more fun to engage in battles anytime you want.

Viewpoints, Feathers, and Borges Flags are the collectible types in this game. Only 10 feathers this time, and about 100 flags. The good thing is that you won’t need a guide save for 18 hidden flags. You can buy maps!

Viewpoints are structured completely different and this is a GREAT improvement over AC2. Instead of just finding them, climbing up and syncing the view, you are tasked with killing off a Guard Captain in a restricted zone. After doing this you must climb the tower and ignite it before you can sync the viewpoint. This is quite fun and makes the climb much more worthwhile.

Another great addition is your ability to recruit assassins. Once this ability opens up you will find icons on the map where a resident is being attacked by guards and you need to go save them. They will be in your debt and join your ranks. From here you will be able to send them off on missions and level them up until they become full assassins.

While this isn’t extremely detailed, I think it is enough considering everything there is to do in this game. Once you have them as recruits and have enough (You can recruit up t 12 eventually based on Borgia Towers completed) you are able to have them assist you in combat. In fact they can do your dirty work for you if you want. Just call on them and they will attack the guards in the area for you. Once you have 6 of them you can do a special move called “Storm Arrow” which allows you to have arrows come from seemingly nowhere to one shot kill all the guards on screen. This ability makes some assassinations with high requirements very easy to fulfill.

As mentioned before this game has A LOT to do. While the storyline is shorter than AC2, the overall content is much greater. You see the same guilds as AC2 in Ccourtesans, mercs, and thieves, but you have many quests relating to them all, as well as the traditional assassin contracts. You work with Templar Agents that give you info and quests. You have the Romulus Lairs, which are the ones needed to unlock the secret armor.

Besides all the side missions available there is a completely new way to buy shops and other historic sites. Much like rebuilding Monteriggioni Villa in AC2, you instead are rebuilding Rome. This will be your main source of income in the game, and you will likely find yourself rolling in florians. Shops have their own unique quests of finding treasures obtained from chests, thieves that try to rob you, Borgia couriers you catch, and even the assassin recruits return from their own missions with items.

Overall the single player of AC:B is a lot of stuff to do. If you plan to do everything it could easily reach the 50 hour range for you if you take your time. It took me 60 hours, but I am a real slow player who likes to look at everything and play around a lot.

The story is not as strong as AC2, but it still passes the AC test with a nice ending that you will got “WTF was that?” at the end. The story may be played by Ezio overall most of the time, but it is still based on Desmond’s need to find pieces of Eden. In this case it is the Apple.

BOTTOM LINE:

For Single Player ALONE I would give this game a 9/10. It is that good to me and improves many aspects of AC2 in combat. The only real negatives would be the same framerate issues AC2 had and slight screen tearing. Most open world games have the framerate issues so I’m rather used to it and they are nowhere near what they are in Fallout: New Vegas so it shouldn’t be an issue for most people.

For after you finish the game I wrote a post about the Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood “Explained”. You may want to bookmark one of these posts for later, or favorite the video of that post to watch after you beat the game. There is also a link to a great video series on the Medici’s that you should remember from AC2.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood Single Player Trailer:

Ezio’s 2010 VGA Award Winner Speech :

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood “Explained” and Other Related AC Stuff

This post is a companion to my review earlier and it is too long to bmbine them both so I am just going to make another topic on it and link them together if you arrive here instead of there. You can read my Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood Review Here. I gave it a 9/10 so I loved it.

I wanted a little companion post due to how strange the ending was for AC: Brotherhood, much like the previous Assassin’s Creed 2 was. I also wanted to keep spoilers to a minimum, and not discuss it in text too much other than a few points here and there.

That is why I figured I’d share this video of the ending from iNvidious01 from Youtbe and HIS thoughts on the series up to this point. HE does an excellent job of expllaining clearly what is going on with this whole series in a way most can understand. IF you have finished AC: Brotherhood and have no idea WTF happened I encourage you to watch this video below. It should help clear up a lot of things in the series for you. I think this video has an ad for a cheap car insurance quote sometimes when embedded, but you can just X it out. This video shows the final scenes for the first 5-10 minutes and then the explanation for the last 15 or so.

****SPOILER WARNING! THIS VIDEO CONTAINS THE ENDING OF ASSASSIN’S CREED: BROTHERHOOD! ACTUAL IN GAME ENDING AND SCENES. DO NOT WATCH THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE GAME YET. FAVORITE ON YOUTUBE FOR LATER, OR BOOKMARK THIS POST****

Besides this video I wanted to offer a documentary I saw on Youtube the other day that is real life and not necessarily related to AC. It is a documentary about the Medici family, which were some of the main characters in Assassin’s Creed 2. The series is fantastic, and if you played the games you will recognize not just the locations, but the people as well. It’s great background for the games IMO. Most of this is their rule in Florence as well as gaining the seat of Pope.

There are 4 videos in the series. This is the Playlist for The Medici: Godfathers of the Renaissance. Enjoy!

Nostalgia’d

Instead of saying something like this to the children of Pamela Anderson: “Why hello my dear old fellow. I have just seen something that has made me think fondly of my younger days. Tell me now, sir…does this picture of your mum naked give you fond memories as well? I was rather infatuated with her in my pre-pubescent days old chap, and this image makes me quite excited today. My wife shall have great intercourse this fine day as I am now quite in the mood for a loving evening at home.” Instead you would say “Dude, I just nostalgia’d so hard on that pic of your mom”.

The term “Nostalgia’d” just encompasses the long drawn out explanation of why you are posting a video of something nobody likes, or can’t believe they ever liked in one word. That random picture you see of Voltron, video of an old Saturday morning short about a “bill on capitol hill”, or any other old form of entertainment that you haven’t thought of in many years, but reminds you of safe, warm, and fuzzy days.

So…at times you may see someone say “I just nostalgia’d hard” and they are about to show you something amazing to them. They may even challenge you to not be nostalgia’d by such a display. You will likely make a comment that says you have never even heard of such a thing, and that the poster is a loser. This is the proper response in most situations as they probably are a loser if they use this phrase openly on a public forum. You should not be insecure about telling them so, and even suggesting that they find their father’s mens ties and tie them around his neck.

Fresh Prince of Bel Air Great Moments Post

Watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air reruns always reminds me of how great the show was. Then when I see people doing stuff in NFL games like this guy from my Detroit Lions doing the “Carton” it is time to do an appreciation post. Can’t put this one in the Crap TV Flashbacks section either since it was top quality.

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This is a pretty difficult one to narrow down, and I’m sure these aren’t even my favorite moments of the show, but I have to go with what is available to me in video form to put something together at least. Great thing about the videos though if I select the right titles the recommended vids after will allow endless Fresh Prince reasons to be nostalgia’d.

OK…I’ll admit it. I’m too lazy to watch 50 Fresh Prince videos and do this myself. Others with much more time and patience have already done it so I’m going to let you follow the trail. This jackass disabled embedding so you can call him names in his comments, but he has a top 25 14 Fresh Prince moments set that is rather long and in depth so I will give him his credit. Apparently 25-15 got blocked.

Fresh Prince Top 25 Moments: #1-7
Fresh Prince Top 25 Moments: #8-14