You like incredibly awful horror movies? You find that they are never scary, but they still say they are in the “horror” genre? How about some half-assed mystery thrown in that you can call the second it is introduced, but you are too goddamned stupid to turn it off thinking (this is a clear sign you have done to many drugs) that MAYBE, just maybe they may have slipped one by you? Obviously you like to watch 19 year-old girls take off their shirts and get chased by a psycho who was abused by their mother so you stick around. OF course that doesn’t happen on TV. So you are left with all the bad stuff, but you still watch it.
Welcome to Harper’s Island. Before the episode even starts you have to be asking yourself…”Who in the hell thought that (“One by one…”) was clever, or scary?” If you have seen this show you know what I mean. This is one of those intros that they lay that on you at the very end EVERY. SINGLE . TIME. and you just start to get angry before the episode even starts.
Oh…this was some awful 13 episode show that was on some channel last year, but for some reason while streaming on Netflix I watched an episode….and then 12 more. All the while jamming plasma mounts into my ears and eye sockets to try and prevent me from continuing. I did not succeed.
So…I watched the entire series. Yes…this show was only made 13 episodes, much like the other piece of rubbish on right now called Person’s Unknown that already got shifted to Saturdays because nobody gives a flying fart about it….except me of course. Train wreck, car crash, you get the idea.
To this day I don’t remember a damn thing about this show. Nothing. I just remember that I knew who the “killer” was by the 3rd episode and it took them 7-8 more before they broke out the “twist”, which frankly I had figured out so long ago I spent 8 episodes trying to conjure up something even more ridiculous by giving them the benefit of the doubt. I was so lost in mediocrity by then that I was actually quite happy with them using my idea from 8 episodes earlier and throwing it back in my face after being lulled to sleep by my own wandering mind. I’ve been awake for 23 hours so if any of this makes sense I’m quite surprised.
Here…watch the PROMO for Harper’s FREAKIN’ Island…One by one…hurrrrr durrrrrrrrrrrr