A Fan’s Experience With LOST and Finale Leaked
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If you don’t watch the series LOST you are probably a tool. If you do, and you spend all day on the internet, you are probably even worse than that. Your rage and fanaticism is probably so high that you probably think every time you type a paragraph you are keeping electromagnetic energy from crashing an airplane while you wheeze next to your basement dehumidifier.
Well…after the episode Across the Sea this week, people have gone into seizures about how they hate it. They have just taken out every frustration they have ever had while watching the show and went off. The internet and LOST is a virtual war of whiners this week. Of course, when people can’t control themselves you get to see some funny stuff so I plucked a couple funny things out that made me laugh from the week so far.
This first one is from a person on the forums at DarkUFO (This site is like LOST central with future spoilers, and rabid fans who want to see the damn OUTRIGGER SCENE@ OMG I WILL KILL MYSELF IF I DON’T KNOW WHO WAS SHOOTING AT THEM IN THE OUTRIGGER IT IZ SO IMPORTANT TO EVERYTHING IN EXISTENCE. ehem…sorry about that.):
My experience with LOST goes something like this….
LOST: So there’s this Island, and it’s special, see. Time travel, polar bears, whispers, smoke monsters…
ME: Tell me more.
LOST: Let’s ask the Dharma Initiative! Mysterious group of scientists, led by Alvar Hanso, searching for some unfathomable secret, with all their cool, 1970s-era technology. Cool, right?
ME: Yes! But what is the secret they are after?
LOST: You should ask the Others, they know. The Others have been around forever. At first they looked like savages, but — surprise! They have modern ways and means. New Otherton, Mittelos Biotech… yes, sir, the Others are where it’s at. Ben is the leader and he knows everything.
ME: Great… so what does Ben know?
LOST: Huh? Ben? He’s actually pretty in the dark. The real big dogs here are Widmore and Eloise! They have all the answers!
ME: Super. Let’s have more Widmore and Eloise, then!
LOST: Sorry, no time for that. We’re going back to the ’70s, when the Dharma Initiative was still around. Neat, right?
ME: Very. So the Dharma Initiative, they were…
LOST: Uhhh… just some scientists, i guess. They wanted to harness the electromagnetic energy for research, time travel, that sort of thing. Anyway, they are scientists, based in Ann Arbor. That’s about it.
ME: Oh…. so what about Alvar Hanso? He must have some grand design, right?
LOST: Who? Alvar what-now? Nah, look, i’ve just been messing with you. Let’s cut to the chase, time is running out. It’s all about Jacob and his brother, Smokey. They are immortal! They play an epic game! There are rules, candidates, loopholes! Everything that has happened so far is because of them! Jacob and Smokey!
ME: Great! Let’s learn about them!
LOST: Well… Jacob is just doing what his mother told him to do. He doesn’t know why, really. His mother’s dead. Smokey wants to leave the Island. That’s about it.
ME: That’s it?
LOST: Well, there’s this light, see, this golden light underground. It’s all the goodness in the world. But it turns people bad. It kills you, or makes you live forever. Something. It must be forever guarded but never used. It’s inside everyone but can’t be touched. Light! Light! Pretty light!
ME: …..this is getting lame.
LOST: LOL, PARALLELUNIVERSE! EVERYTHING DIFFERENT! WHAT IF LOCKE HAD HIS DAD BUT HIS DAD WAS RETARDED? WHAT IF CHARLIE STILL DID DRUGS? HOW IS JACK’S BABBY FORMED?
ME: >__<
And here is the LEAKED LOST FINALE (This is not real so there are no spoilers you idiot if you think it was real you should be ashamed)
Everything else can be explained by Insane Clown Posse.
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