Well…I got the real version of Final Fantasy XIII on the PS3 so I don’t really know what the 360 version has going for it. Basically it had 3 discs instead of one so yeah…no reason to buy that nonsense.
Enough of the fanboy stuff for consoles. Let’s start the fanboy stuff for Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy is the biggest fanboy series in gaming history. Why bigger than other? Well…there are so many blind haters, and so many blind fanboys that it reaches much higher proportions than anything else. Every douche with a console has played at least one Final Fantasy.
The worst of them all are the Final Fantasy VII fags. They have representatives on every Final Fantasy game forum no matter what game it is talking shit. They played FFVII as their first FF, and nothing can ever come close.Instead of accepting, and even enjoying new Final Fantasy games they would rather see 23423434 off-shoots of FFVII, and have it remade every new generation. They are enough to make anyone hate the game even though it truly is one of the best. Regardless, they ruin the entire experience you had with it the first time they open their mouth.
The “old school” Final Fantasy fan. These guys are close to the FFVII fanboys, but a bit different. The FFVII losers are more emo, and grew up on the internet so they are obviously going to be much more annoying. The old school FF fan is like your grandpa. They don’t know what the fuck is going on half the time, and they sure as hell don’t want to see something new. They want to stand in a line and hit attack 75 times in a row until the enemy dies and grind rats for 80 hours before they go into their first cave. The classic nerds that have migrated to other homo games like WoW.
Both those groups have nostalgia glasses that they just can’t pry off, and the logic they are forced to deal with makes their brains explode.
Then you have the guy that just likes everything. No matter what it is. They will defend every single version like it is their child. Anything, and I mean anything negative said about the game will be followed by some moronic reason why you are just a troll, and that you probably are a pedo.
Then you have the level-headed guy that likes most of the FF games. They don’t compare them to the others because they realize that “OMG EVERY FF GAME IS DIFFERENT”. Yeah…that’s right. These games don’t follow the same story every installment and they can do whatever the fuck they want with the next one. Well…they do have the same archetypes and the same you vs the end of the world, but at least they have different names for stuff.
I’m the last guy. Someone that can critically view the game for its greatness, and its faults. You know…some normal guy that doesn’t want to watch the characters in hentai porn.
So…how is Final Fantasy XIII. Let me say this. If you ever want to play this game a second time you better make a save about 15-20 hours in on Chapter 10 and just hold onto it. You aren’t going to want to play the 9 chapter tutorial again anytime soon I am guessing. I sure as heck don’t want to.
This game is beautiful. Scenery, and all the characters look amazing in their first HD appearance in a FF universe numbered game. The characters are of course cheesy like they are in all FF games. Yeah…you grew up finally and realized this about FFIX I hope. They are all the same archetypes of the others. This one however goes out of its way to fix a major complaint that XII had. Character Development. This is where the whole save in Chapter 10 thing comes in. The first 8-9 chapters are short battle sequences followed by 20 feet of walking before you get some more cutscenes with a few nice bosses in the mix. You get to battle with 1-2 party members at a time while you get to see their life story. On top of that the whole thing is a damn tutorial for the battle system for people who are likely 4 years old. Adding in things at the slowest rate of any FF I can remember.
The battle system is is where they put on their designer ties and go to town though. It is intense, and at times overwhelming for n00bs who don’t know how to play video games. You only control one party leader during the fights, but if you play it you will realize you would die in real life if you had to do more. They combat this with having 6 roles/jobs available and you can assign them to the other party members. The most important aspect is the use of the new Paradigm system that allows you to set up 6 different grouping for your party that you can swap back and forth during the battle to gain advantages.
The system is the heart of the game, and many feel like it is an amazing, and fun way to battle. It certainly makes for some interesting strategic battles, as well as some fast paced action. They made it n00b friendly though with an “Auto-battle” option, that basically picks the commands in your ATB gauge for you. It does what your non controlled AI party members do already, but for you. It isn’t always the best solution, but it is good most of the time. The Paradigm shifting is what needs to be mastered in order to win, so even if you do the brain dead mode you still must think a little to stay on top. They added a “Rating” system to it that will challenge the more reward happy players after the battles to get the best marks possible as well as better Spoils.
The story certainly doesn’t suck, but it is by far from impressive. Like I said before it is another cheesy FF story with characters that are full of cliches. You are in a huge struggle against Fal’cie, L’Cie, and whatever Cie you can think of (yeah this is the kind of crap they call things in this game so get used to it), and you need to battle a bunch of epic beasts to save your world, or yourselves. The way the characters interact are nice, and a few of them actually have real adult voices for a change, including the first black character in a live voice and numbered FF. He has a baby Chocobo in his afro (not a lie).
The story is passable, and likely much more engaging that FFXII was because it isn’t as political as that one, nor as dry. They are much more light-hearted, and there is the nerd love story aspect thrown in for all those that truly have to have it. This game is A LOT like FFX. They even are against these ‘Cie that are offshoot of Greek gods like how they control the whole world, blah blah.
So…when you FINALLY get to Chapter 11 after about 15-30 hours depending on your style, it opens up and Lightning says “I don’t think we will get bored here.” If she only knew how much I had been waiting for that she might get a little embarrassed. You find yourself in Gran Pulse and you see some HUGE fucking MONSTERS walking around. This is literally The Calm Lands meets Jurrassic Park. You feel like you are playing Shadow of the Colossus except you don’t have to ride a chocobo for a week to find something as big as a dinosaur. It is truly breathtaking the first time you see these massive beasts.
Hmmm…side quests. There are zero the first 10 chapters. Nada. That is why 11 is so epic. There are 64 Mark Missions in this area and you will find some amazing brutes to tickle your itch if you loved the Mark Hunts in FFXII.
Enough rambling. You get the idea. First half=ALL story and tutorial. Second half=Much more Epic. Battle System=OMG slow the fuck down sometimes. Graphics=OMG Pretty.
8/10 is what I say although I may bump it to a 9 one day just because I waited so damn long for it, and was the reason I bought a PS3 originally before they gave it to 360 as well. It has a bit of “meh” in it that’s for sure for the super tutorial. Replay value is low for people that don’t give that much care to the story.
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Posted March 19, 2010 
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