Internet. Serious Business.

While reading about a press release a guy came up with to help market his book I sort of wondered what kind of funny press releases had been documented over the years. At least those I can actually find on the internet that people have preserved. The guy that gave me the idea doesn’t really qualify, but his press release was none the less “creative”. His was just title “I will Run Naked Through Times Square if My Book Doesn’t Reach the top 100 best seller’s list”. Like I said…not really funny, but it gave me the idea to search for the ones that follow regardless.

Keep in mind that all of these were actual, and serious press releases unless otherwise indicated in the description. Some are too long to post, but they will pop up in a new tab/window if you click the link so you can refer back to this post and read the next one without having to find your way back in a silly way.

The first and one I found to likely be the funniest of them all, is this one that was released by a U.S. Senator. To set this up, Senator Howell Heflin was sitting with Alabama reporters in the Capitol back in 1994 having lunch. During the lunch he got the sniffles, and looked to be pulling out a handkerchief. Instead he actually pulled out a pair of woman’s panties to the astonishment of his dinner companions. This was the press release that followed:

STATEMENT OF SEN. HOWELL HEFLIN
HANDKERCHIEF
JULY 19, 1994

I mistakenly picked up a pair of my wife’s white panties and put them in my pocket while I was rushing out the door to go to work.

Rather than take a chance on being embarrassed again, I’m going to start buying colored handkerchiefs.

Sure…they were your wife’s panties and that person name Gloria69 in your live chat window is just a fan of the song and was born in 1969 .

This one is pretty long so I won’t post it all here. Instead I will just link to someone who has preserved it as credit for keeping this comedy gold alive. The quick review behind this one is that the guy releasing it is a moron, and in public office, but not qualified to be so. As you read further into it you will understand what I mean, and why the title of “BRAGDON NOT TO RUN FOR MAYOR OF ANY CITY IN 2008″ is even funnier.

Here is a short teaser quote from it:

Bragdon’s lack of qualification for city office was inadvertently revealed earlier this year when he failed to have his surgery televised and then did not champion a non-binding resolution appointing a 79-person task force to re-name S.E. Division Street as Gertrude Stein Boulevard. “Nor am I ready to handle the duct tape issue,” he admitted, “so I settle for little job satisfactions instead: like buying 5,000 acres of natural areas and preserving them forever, helping build one light rail line and getting another started, or leading one of the few governments in Oregon with a Double AAA financial rating.”

This next one is also very long, and I will give credit to the editor that kept it alive by linking to their page.

These are the first few lines of it and probably enough to give you an idea of just how ridiculous it is going to be. Well the “Dear fellow conservative” line probably gets the internet dorks in a tizzy off the bat .

Dear fellow conservative,

Tonight, after a long day of fighting the Radical Homosexuals, I just feel exhausted.

Beaten down, wrung out, and worn to the bone.

This has been a most difficult year.

That’s good for now. The last 2 are pretty long and I don’t want you going blind .

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