F’d Up Game: Pathologic

I don’t know how I found out this game existed. Just one day all of a sudden I was spending hours reading about how poorly made it was. Then after a while I started to feel like I just HAD to play this game. It’s kind of like how you read about some movie directed by Lars Von Trier and see how people are disgusted, or even pissed off after seeing it, but you just want to see it more. (Von Trier “films” are f’n brilliant BTW.)

I think the article that finally sold me on Pathologic (PC) was this review from Eurogamer (Dude knows how to sell a game) that I stumbled upon. It is probably now considered the unofficial sales pitch for Pathologic I would guess.

This game is an absolute disaster. It is supposedly an award winning Russian game that they dubbed in English eventually. Very poorly mind you. I started playing this game and spent about 2 hours going WTF? as I wandered around this crazy ass town. Then I died and realized that I never saved so I had to start over at the beginning…LOL

So I did, and forgot to save again after another hour. Finally, I decided it would make sense to save a bit and I didn’t have to watch the 10 minute intro again and a again. I grabbed some stuff out of barrels that I don’t know what they are for. Not knowing what any of it was for. Talked to some whacked out kids and told them I would kill some people for them. Killed random people on the street because they wanted to kill me for some reason. I think THEY thought I killed some other guy, but that guy was actually me FATHER.

I have no fucking idea what I’m even doing in this game to be honest. Graphics are absolutely terrible. I keep dying because I either die of hunger because NOBODY int he town will sell my any goddamn food, there is no food lying around, sometimes I die because I just get “too tired”, but when I try to sleep so I don’t die of that I die because of hunger. I am screwed. I don’t know where the hell to get FOOD.

yeah…yeah…find a walkthrough. I hate using walkthroughs while playing PC games because you gotta ALT+TAB out of the game all the ime and games as horrible as these always crash. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t send it back because I didn’t buy it where I could get a receipt out of a receipt printer…I can’t quit.

pathologic

^^WTF man? It’s not even blood. It’s dried PAINT…haha

MacGyver Inventions

OK…I’m not sure why I am calling this show crap as I used to love it, but for some reason I watched an episode the other day and found myself laughing way more than I should have.

MacGyver is like the biggest geek leading character ever, who uses duct tape for everything, and can make a flying car out of pencils, staples, a couple magnets, and paper clips. He can make a talking chimpanzee robot out of a banana and a toothpick. He can make a time machine out of a pickle jar and a slice of rye bread. He can make a big bang out of static electricity and a carpet square. He could sell home insurance to a hobo. He could turn a bathtub full of water into moonshine.

MacGyver is the greatest super hero that ever lived, and he did live. Richard Dean Anderson is his Bruce Wayne, or Clark Kent. MacGyver is a real guy. They just have the show to make you think he isn’t.

Some of his inventions include:

The Earth
Gravity
Life
God

Clearly he IS God.

Mind=Blown

I saw this quote on the internet and have to say I do not agree:

“Seems the standards for getting your mind blown have dropped since the days of Einstein and Godel.”

For many years it is well accepted that many things blow your mind on the internet. A topic featuring the title: MIND=BLOWN should result is many, many examples of such a thing.

For example, the first post of a thread:

Miles Prower = Miles Per Hour

OMG MIND=BLOWN

While your mind doesn’t actually explode the saying is meant to take something you probably take for granted and look at it more critically. Finding something in it that may not have been intended, but did show up in the result.

Take this infamous MIND=BLOWN image:

gamecube_logo

It is a logo of the Nintendo Gamecube in which the “G” has a “C” inside of it. Completely mind blowing to a child of 11 sitting on his discount classroom furniture.

More examples:

-The bushes in Super Mario Bros are recolored clouds.
-mario-3
-OMG, he’s called Dr. EGGman because he’s fat and shaped like an egg!!
-Arcticdos!
Zaptres!
Moluno!
-All of the pokemon towns in the Kanto region were named after colors (hence the name Pallet town).

As you can see there are many things that can blow your mind. I believe this deserves more exploration, and plan to do so in the future after taking a lot of medication.

Worst, and Most Annoying Video Game Chores

Isn’t it always great when a video game has hours and hours of fun? When you read about how a game has dozens of hours of playtime in one play through? Then you get the game and discover what? That there are some ridiculous fetch quests that add about 5-6 hours to the game that make it tedious and boring.

The sandbox games are notorious for this. The Grand Theft Auto series has always been throwing the odl “Hidden Package” thing in our faces since GTA III. Although the hidden packages were tedious and boring, at least they had some sort of benefit for going after them other than the 100% completion badge. Every 10 or so you found hooked you up with a new weapon, or armor, or health at your safe house.

Then Comes GTA IV several year later and we get FLYING RATS (they are pigeons)! Not 100 of them this time but 200! You think…big deal…probably get 20 different weapons out of finding them. Wrong. All 200 pigeons found and you get a flippin’ TROPHY, or ACHIEVEMENT. How fucking lame is that? Bad enough they give you nothing,b ut they make it a trophy on top so if you want platinum you HAVE to find them. Of course this falls into the video game scams this gen I have detailed before.

What does this accomplish? Well basically it adds a few hours to overall gameplay. Big deal. Was that couple hours fun? No. NO it wasn’t. IF you are a completionist though they know you will do it. They love to fuck with us video game perfectionists don’t they?

Another gmae that has them is inFamous. While much easier to find than the GTA ones, there are about 150 more of them to find. They are called Blast Shards. At lest by pinging them you can see them on your mini-map here. They actually have a purpose as well by giving you more “energy” to blast away with your powers. Of course it is another lame attempt at 100% to get the platinum trophy once again and prolong a game with meaningless tasks. Miss one of those damn shards and you are gonna be pissed. Finding 1 of 100, or even 200 isn’t a big deal, but what about 1 of 350? Of course if you arent’ an idiot you use a map and find all shards island to island before you move to the next.

I suppose that is my least favorite, but another game I rather liked, but has a moronic system in it is Final Fantasy XII. This is more of a gameplay “feature” that you can’t really see. You certainly experience frustration, anger, and ultimately boredom with it, however. What does it do though? Adds 50+ hours to gameplay at least if you are the completionist.

IF you played this game you know exactly what I speak of. It is none other than the random chest/item/drop rate mechanics in the game. This game has set it self up where enemies don’t really drop items like they did in past Final Fantasy games. They still do mind you, but typically they drop “Loot” that you combine to get weapons, items, armor, etc. in the “Bazaar”. These item drops, while always have been somewhat random, with drops being rare in come cases were never taken to this level. You have like 1% down to .0001% of a chance to find some things in this game. The Tournesol hunt is by far the most famous, but hardly even a problem if you miss the first Zodiac Spear and haven’t found the scam people have come up with to circumvent the 1/1000 chance you can find the other one.

I could probably go on with this for quite sometime, but this is going a bit long. I was going to get into the Oblivion equestrian apparel, or the infamous “horse armor” DLC thin,b ut that can be for another day. Oblivion is loaded with stupid leveling ideas that you can talk about all day, but I digress.

What are the most annoying game chores you can think of?

I’m Gonna Get You Sucka…

I don’t think this movie gets enough credit for how funny it is. While slapstick at points, and utterly stupid in others, it has some incredibly funny scenes in it. Also, it has some great one liners you can just throw out for no reason at all. “Let me get one riiib..”.

My favorite is certainly the Riiib scene with a young Chris Rock before he hit it big. Apparently he is staying true to his best diet pills plan and cutting his intake of fatty riiiiibs to a minimum here. He obviously has the cash to get what he wants. Just a funny scene and always makes me roll.

How Much For One Rib

The dude with the pimp suit that has the fish swimming in the bottom of his shoes was always classic. So many hilarious moments in this movie. It’s actually in low quality on Youtube. Part 1 is here and you can watch the rest of it through related vids.

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