Let Me Google That For You

Yeah…people are pretty damn stupid on the internet. Message boards in particular. They will ask a very general question on a board when all they really had to do was pot it in the Google search box, yet they decide the board would be faster. Dar…Google is now, and waiting for someone to post an answer could take an hour. Unless you are on bed rests you don’t have that kind of time. If anyone actually does post an answer with out just saying Google is Your Friend.

Someone, for reasons known to them and their marketing department has created a fantastic tool for half trolls, and Google MAsters that browse forums an mock on those who don’t know how to use the interwebs.

It is the great Let Me Google That For You (Pretty great and condescending name I must admit. It owns).

Obviously if you know how to use Google you need no explanation about how this works. If you don’t piss off.

Here it is in action:

Let Me Google This For You ;)

It is nice because they will let you use a tiny url instead of showing what you asked. It’s good for a chuckle.

Some More Video Game Rants

Most of the time I could care less about things video game makers do, but lately I have just been getting a bit annoyed with the BS excuses they are giving for keeping things out of games and then passing them off as paid Downloadable Content (DLC). I brought up the Biggest Video Game Scams For This Gen Consoles a couple weeks ago, but the more that I thought about it there may be a few more I didn’t add. At least the DLC can be expanded upon and updated since then due to some newer games out now.

Everyone always mentions the Oblivion “Horse Armor” DLC as the legendary DLC rip off, and rightly so as that was just plain awful. I am starting to see a bit more lately of ridiculous DLC though. #1 offender is Capcom.

I don’t own Street Fighter IV. I never will. I consider “fighting games” retarded, and the people that play them dumb shits. It is hard to explain why I question the intelligence of these people, but I’m sure some people will understand what I’m talking about. If you don’t, then just move on.

Anyways, Street Fighter IV offered some DLC that was for new “outfits”. Obviously if you are dumb enough to buy this I suppose you should get ripped off. They are charging $4 each for costume packs that include 5 new costumes, and they have FIVE of these packs. So you could spend up to $20 for nothing more than NEW SKINS. Any other game would just make these “Unlockables” for great skill. Here? Rip you off.

Oh yeah…did I mention that all this shit was already on the game disc when you bought it? Yup…you are buying a “key” to unlock it. Isn’t that an awesome idea? IF you think this is, the answer is actually NO.

Now Capcom is at the forefront of the video game world the last couple weeks with the release of the first “next-gen” game from the mega-franchise Resident Evil with Resident Evil 5. Thankfully, at this point they give you some new costumes just as unlocks, but obviously they will try to squeeze you here eventually.

I’m not going to review RE5 here. It would take too long, but I will say that I don’t play video games with my little kid brother anymore so that CO-OP for THIS series seems idiotic considering it is an “M”-rated (Mature 17+) game, and most people over this age I would guess don’t really play “CO-OP” anymore. Multi-Player online? Yeah sure, but CO-OP? Not so much. Of course all the underage kids make up a big market I’m sure and love the concept. It’s really not BAD, but you get my point I think.

Now, how does RE5 lose the DLC credibility? Well…let’s see. Obviously this game wasn’t made in the RE mold in that it is no longer really survival horror, but more of an action game, and it isn’t alone anymore and made to played in CO-OP for the best experience. I could rant all day about this gen screwing up games because they just HAVE to get online play involved, but I won’t do that here.

Their DLC is called “Vs Mode” and will be a mere $5 add on. Before you get your panties in a bunch because your parents will give you $5 to shut the hell up and leave them alone nobody cares about the price particularly. Vs Mode will allow up to 4 players to play against each other online in two different game types. Slayer’s Rule and Survivor’s rule. The first is point based against AI enemies. The other is Players vs. Players.

A lot of people think that gamers are complaining because the DLC was announced so early. Clearly CAPCOM does if you read this unprofessional rant from Christian Svensson, vice president of Strategic Planning & Business Development for Capcom in which he “calls BS” on the fans. OF course there is much more to it than that.

Realistically people are complaining simply because the game mode is something they believe should have just been included on the original disc that came in the shipping boxes (Not sure if it isn’t already). Why? Well…let’s just say that the mode itself doesn’t sound all that in depth as it is (controls don’t need to be mentioned I know), and it is something that is pretty much standard on all games that have online modes already in the core package. It really has nothing to do with the content itself, or the cost. It’s more or less something that if idiots do buy it we are sliding even further down the slope of having games with a ton of content held back for nickel and dime era.

This RE is one of the few that doesn’t have what they called in RE4 a “Separate Ways” storyline. This is where you play as another one of the characters from the story and they follow the same time-line, but show you their journey in the same story. Don’t worry. I guarantee this will cost you another $20 eventually.

People will say it hasn’t been in other RE games so it is reasonable to pay for it. Wait until they put out the “Separate Ways” DLC. Believe me they will. That excuse is out the window then.

QUIT PAYING EXTRA FOR THIS CRAP PLEASE. IT IS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE AND GAMES WILL JUST BE SHELLS OF WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE. DON’T REWARD LAZINESS AND GREED.

Crap TV Flashbacks: Mama’s Family

It is hard for me to say how I even know that this show exists. I can’t say as that I ever wanted to watch it. For some reason this show had re-runs on was TBS, and it still does? No idea. All I know is that there have been times where I have turned my TV on at odd hours of the day only to find this crap factory of an All in the Family knock off with less laughs and less racism. Same premise though. Kid lives with parent with spouse, and other terrible characters hang around. This show makes me want to break my home theater chairs and punch those in the room with me after I mistakenly have it tuned in.

Mama’s Family premiered on NBC on January 22, 1983. It ended its run on that network in May 1984 when it was cancelled, but NBC would continue to air reruns until September 1985. In 1986, Mama’s Family returned in syndication, where it aired for an additional four seasons, ending on March 12, 1990. Mama’s Family is a spin-off of a recurring series of comedy sketches called The Family(not to be confused with All in the Family), which appeared on The Carol Burnett Show as some lame ass sketch in the 1970s.

I don’t even know what to say about this show. I hate it sooooo much. It starred Vivki LAwrence as Thelma Harper (ie. “Mama”), and had some 60 year-old son (Ken Berry) living with her. He was married to some tramp (Dorothy Lyman), and just to make matters even more the Suck Shack also was home to some douchebag that was apparently Mama’s grandson. Played by Allan J. Kayser II (Wiki actually tried to make you believe that he was a “teen idol” on this show…LMAO.), this idiot character dressed like an 8-year old and was supposed to be the “hip” part of the show. He was neither hip, nor funny. In fact he was probably one of the worst characters in TV sitcom history IMO.

They even tried to spice up the show by bringing about ever popular actor from like 1940 onto the show that included Carrol Burnett, Betty White, Harvey Korman, and Rue McClanahan (Golden Girls). I won’t even talk about some of the other people on the show. I know there were others from the intro, but I’ll be damned if I want to talk about them because I have no clue who they were.

So…all these people live with Mama and she is old school. They are all southerners or some shit and they all are supposed to follow some moral code or some BS, but they always disappoint Mama who looks like Mrs. Doubtfire. Laughs do not ensue, and if you happen to hear this theme music, or see this intro pop onto your TV run, do not walk, to your remote control and for the love of GOD turn the channel or suffer bleeding eyes and ears.

Mama’s Family Intro:

Biggest Video Game Scams For This Gen Consoles

Other than the fact that games seem to only care about graphical output now, there are a couple things that this generation of consoles has going on that are the biggest scams out there.

This generation of video game consoles consists of 3 major players. The Nintendo Wii, Playstation 3, and the XBox 360. The Nintendo Wii is in its own stratosphere and really can’t even be considered a “nex-gen” console IMO. It uses outdated technology compared to the other two, but it has sales that blow them both away because it does one thing: Gets the chicks. It has people that can play with other real people instead of being forced to go online and play with a bunch of tools that are either 8 year-old curse machines that scream the F word constantly, or with dudes you don’t know high on trees, or too drunk to see. I like to do that with people I know, not online. Thanks.

Anyways, what are the 2 biggest scams this generation?

1. Trophies/Achievements

The PS3 offers Trophies for certain feats in games, while the XBox 360 calls them Achievements. They are typically all the same for both systems that have the game on them.

Ok..some people actually like these, and I’ll admit I do try and get some of them while playing. Why is this a scam? It is just a rinky dink way to make people think there are more hours of gameplay for playing the SAME GAME more. Think about it. When you had older systems and didn’t have these did you really want to replay a shitty game again? Of course not. Now people think these Trophies/Achievements are actually a reason to do it! Quit falling for this trap! If the game is shit don’t play it for these retarded things!

You don’t get ANYTHING for these. NOTHING.

Now the worst part of these things isn’t the uselessness of them, but the fact that they have moved to online multi-player. How many times do I have to join a multi-player game and find out that the only reason half my flippin’ squad is there to get goddamn trophies!? Ugh…I can’t stand it. I want to win the game, not get you some meaningless trophy, or watch dumbshits only working for themselves to get a damn trophy. Go play a real sport and win something that actually takes some talent.

2. Downloadable Content (DLC)

This is by far the biggest scam in gaming today. Taken from the PC and translated to the console. Not only does DLC rarely live up to the price of fit, but the fact that almost every damn game now has it is an insult to the people that buy these games.

We pay $60 for a game. The game makers have already created content that should be in the game, but because people are so stupid they think that having DLC is an “extra” and pay them more money to buy the shit.

Look at Fallout 3. Their DLC called “Operation: Anchorage” gives another couple missions, but what is most ridiculous about it is that it also allows players to level up higher. Instead of being capped at Level 20, they can now level up to Level 30. On the surface that may sound real nice, but frankly Level 20 in the regular game is stupid. It should have been 30 all along. Of course an extra 10 levels is utterly worthless anyways because you can get up to Level 20 and destroy absolutely everything in the game as it is. Add to that you can get there with out even trying to level up. The first 10 levels or so you can get just by going into a building and shooting a few Raiders and guess what? You leveled up already! Did I mention that this is an XBox 360 exclusive?

Not only that, but Micosoft has basically kicked Sony in the nuts and bought most of it for the non-exclusive games like GTA IV, Fallout 3, etc. That means people with a PS3 are stuck with no option to even get it even if they would pay for it.

Let’s just say that paying another $20 for crap that should already be in the game is a big sales technique apparently. People are falling for it, and paying shit DLC to reward the game makers for screwing them over. Good job idiots.

Please…loser fanboys come here and start talking shit. I hate all of you. PS3 and 360 jerkoffs. Wii fans can talk allt he shit they want. Their console knows it sucks, but at least it is fun for playing with other people and actually having human contact.

Cannibal Holocaust

For some reason today I decided to promote a movie that came out in 1980. Cannibal Holocaust. Not because someone is paying me to do so, but because I have noticed that it is creeping back into the movie watching world for some reason *cough*torrent*cough*.

So what is this awesomely named movie? IS it as awesome as the title? Crazy zombies walking the Earth after the apocalypse and eating brains? I wish.

This movie is something I see mentioned on horror message boards a lot as one of the sickest movies ever made. I’ll be honest with you, I have seen much worse. I’ll also say that I’m pretty immune to gore and disgusting things by now as well so I can see why people get upset when they watch it.

So…Cannibal Holocaust then. How to describe this movie…I guess it is considered somewhat of a “snuff” film by some although that really doesn’t describe it at all. In fact it isn’t a snuff film in any way IMO. It’s just disgusting.

When I first watched this I wasn’t sure what to expect. Poor acting? Certainly. Gore? Most definitely. Real animals being killed? No, I can’t say I expected that. Somewhat of a story/plot? Did not expect this either.

The premise of this movie is that some loose cannon (yup I said loose cannon) film makers go to the jungle to document some cannibals and never come home. They did not have business insurance so their stuff will not be covered for their sponsors. Pretty simple to follow right? Everyone who has ever gone to do this has been killed, but some moron decides he is going to go look for them anyways. Guess what? He makes it there and finds all their film from their trip. He does some sick shit too while he is there, but the real disgusting things done are on these reels this guy picks up. Then we get to watch these when he gets back home and oh the humanity.

REAL animals being killed, a bunch of rapes, ritual rape killings, and of course some pretty graphic murders that lead to cannibalism. All done very tastefully BTW. This film wasn’t made to shock. It was made to educate about the dangers out there :D .

So…if you are a sick person who enjoys this kind of thing I encourage you to watch this movie just for the ability to tell people you have seen it. Well…you probably shouldn’t tell people you like it, but if you like to be shocked this should do the trick for a day. Then go watch another piece of crap called The Pink Flamingos. That movie is just weird and wrong.