Crap TV Flashbacks: Voltron

Let’s stick with kiddie shows today. Although this is another show you probably liked growing up (I loved it), that doesn’t mean the show wasn’t complete crap. Voltron was a giant crime fighting, universe saving robot. It wasn’t just a robot. It was 5 LIONS!.

This bad boy is one of the earlier Japanese cartoons ripped off and brought to the States. This was one of the first ones I remember anyways. Before basically 90% of the weirdo cartoons out now are anime rip offs, or some sort of big eyed, Japanese rip offs.

Voltron is a series of animated television programs, the first of which was titled Voltron: Defender of the Universe. There has since been a second series, made in the 1990s using CGI techniques, but let’s be real here. The only one that matters is the old one. kthanks. The 1980s Voltron series was based on two unrelated Japanese anime series GoLion and Dairugger XV (both originally produced by Toei Animation & Bandai). The anime was later dubbed into English and edited by the North American television production and distribution company World Events Productions. The adaptation was not a straight dub, however—as much violence as possible was removed from the original Japanese series.

Yeah…we are pansies in the U.S. when it comes to TV. Especially back in the 80s I guess. We still are, but it is getting a bit better. Violence certainly isn’t an issue anymore as every show on TV is basically some sort of CSI show where you watch a brutal murder at the outset and then watch dudes come up with the most outrageous crime search techniques ever thought of to solve a crime. Of course we still don’t get any nudity on regular TV like our friends a crossed the sea :( .

The first episodes were based on the 1981 series Beast King GoLion and they featured a team of five young pilots commanding five robot lions, which could be combined to form Voltron. Newer episodes do not count. They will not be mentioned because they aren’t as good. At least I never saw them and can only assume they aren’t because I am a crotchety bastard that has a closed mind when it comes to childhood cartoon favorites.

tl;dr Short Explanation: Voltron was a giant flippin’ robot that formed by combining forces of 5 robotic Lions piloted by some dudes that are living on planet Arus, ruled by Princess Allura, and they are saving the universe.

I highly recommend filling up your laptop memory of episodes and checking them out yourself. Then coming back to tell me how lame the show is and mock me and my childhood memories.

Voltron TV Intro Theme:

Crap TV Flashbacks: Batman

Yes, I know all you Dark Knight weirdos are in full Batman worship mode, but this Batman television show has been sucking for generations. I remember when the first big budget Batman movie came out probably over a decade ago with Michael Keaton as Batman. This show started to show up all over the place once again. I can only assume it will show up now with all the fanaticism over TDK.

This show is odd. It sometimes has the old folks trying to tell you that “we just don’t see performances like that anymore”, and “this old ass Joker was the best ever”. You quiclky laugh and mock this old man for his thoughts, but you have to deal with it like your tubby self has to deal with finding the best diet pills to lose that unsightly bubble butt (some women may keep these if it is a true bubble butt. Thanks.).

Batman is a 1960s American television series, based on the DC comic book character of the same name. It aired on the ABC network for two and a half seasons from January 12, 1966 to March 14, 1968. Shocking it only lasted 2 seasons. Show is more popular now I think as a throwback. IT is one of those “It’s so bad you have to like it shows”.

Despite its short run, the series had two weekly installments for most of its tenure, giving the show a total of 120 episodes (the equivalent of roughly five regular seasons). It currently airs on the AmericanLife TV Network and on BBC Four in the UK. This show is literally considered a TV classic, and you may be interested in checking out some of the big name stars that made appearances and some of the show’s history.

Anyways the intro to the Batman TV show is probably plenty to get an idea what this show is about. Of course watching the show is never a substitute. This show isn’t necessarily as bad as I make it out. Your kids would probably love it as it is for kids for the most part it is so silly. BAM POW SOCK ZOK!!!!

Batman TV Show Intro:

Also, this video was going around quite a bit during the election season from the show. It was said to be a perfect example of a debate between Obama and McCain. I somewhat agree.

Batman vs. Penguin Election debate:

The Great Eli Porter

If you remember the Best Rap Battle Ever you know exactly who Eli Porter is. For some reason I was watching this again and saw that the Youtube faithful has gone a head and created a lot of remixes of the bad ass rapper Eli Porter. Some solid tracks for us all to hear. Eli needs his own 800 number to sell his mix tapes yo.

I didn’t even realize it but Eli actually appeared on American Idol. Take a look at how he did:

Even that dude that had this weird ass song Chocolate Rain wanted to do a duet with Eli.

Eli even got into politics last year. Telling McCain what’s up:

Eli gave an interview of 21 Questions here:

Here is the Retard Mix…Eli Layin’ it down:

Man…there are about 100 of these. Kills me every time. Could watch Eli Porter all day.

Here is a tribute to Eli. ELI WAS ROBBED!!:

Internet Movie Database (IMDb) Houses THE Dumbest People on Internet

Let me start off by saying that if you disagree with this, you are one of those dumb people that are members there. Your arguments will just add to the already overwhelming evidence I have seen that suggests I am speaking the truth. Of course I encourage you to embarrass yourself if that is what you must do by creating false arguments and displaying your lack of common sense that is completely in line with the fantasy world you live in due to your lack of ever reading a book in your life.

If you have ever gone to IMDb to check out a movie you may have noticed that they not only have all the info you want about the film, but they also have the entertaining message board attached to each of the various films they list. Certainly you would think that these message boards would act almost as a review of the film and give you a bit of a better idea as to whether or not you should waste your time renting, going to see it, or simply downloading it because you are cheap, or poor. Yes…some of that is there. You may find what you need with a read of some of this, but overall you should get quite a few laughs at the idiocy of the average movie goer there. At the very least you will find the snooty film school drop out, and subsequently “expert” on imagery, acting performance, or whatever tickles those artsy douche’s fancies.

I will admit that sometimes I get a bit distracted by these boards. As usual when you are looking for a movie to purchase at the discount of free you will inevitably find a link to the IMDb page for the movie so you can see if it is worth your bother. I’ll open up about 5 movies real quick when they are in the list of movies people want to share, and then hit the link to get to IMDb just to see the rating (these are worthless, but I like to see it), or just get a better description than our buddy FXM will give to us. At some point I will usually take a peek at the message board for the movie if it doesn’t look like it is a “can’t miss” feature to get a few more plot spoilers to ruin the movie for me before I decide to get it. Then it just happens. I get sucked in and am reading pure comedy for a long while.

I would guess that probably 90% of the people that post on there are either inbred, or were raised in a refrigerator box behind a movie theater. These are the people on here that tend to think they are a bit clever, but at the same time droll on and on with personal attacks that make absolutely no sense, and prove nothing whatsoever in regards to their point that damn near every topic on the board spirals into a trollish fantasy land.

The best part about this place is that it draws every sort of person that likes to argue. It is simply fantastic. Want to argue about religion, racism, cat supplies, turkey shirts, clown shoes, or fraud? You can do it here if you find the right movie, and you can troll the hell out of it. It just doesn’t get any better than this. At first glance you might think that almost every person on the boards is a troll, but this is not so. If you spend a bit of time reading there you will soon realize that these people are THAT DUMB. Eventually you will hope they are trolls, or at least extremely intoxicated with the nonsense they pass off as “common sense”, or a “valid argument”.

I’m not even going to give you examples of any of this. I want you to go and experience the joy that is IMDb message boards on your own. I want you to slide into any movie with an active board and see it for yourself. It won’t take long to see this. That is if you aren’t one of the morons that would feel at home with the people who seem to always hear the wind whistling when they shake their heads.

Heed my warning though. You may spend a significant amount of time there reading threads of one person with at least average intelligence making completely on point arguments while dozens tell him he is “insane”, brain dead”, etc. It is such a great joy to see one bright spot in a sea of idiocy keep coming back for more to argue with these people as if they could ever comprehend simple things. It is rather fascinating to behold. It also will suck you in. It may anger you to see how many people can’t even grasp his common sense arguments. I encourage you not to create an account there. You don’t need to. Just read it. These guys that argue made the mistake of creating an account and they can’t get away. I believe it ruins their lives, but that is just a theory.

It’s Obama Time!

Finally, the day is here. The Inauguration of the first African American President, Barack Obama (Inauguration Schedule). Love him, didn’t vote for him, or maybe even hate him, this is a great day for America. Whether you believe he is going to wave a magic wand and take care of all your problems (you are an idiot), or you just love the fact that the world will start to see us in a whole new light (no clever pun here), this is a day that should be remembered for the rest of our lives. Soak it in, and feel proud of America today.

Sure, many think he isn’t qualified. Many think that he is nothing more than a great speaker with a few catch phrases (“Hope”, “Change”, “Yes We Can”). I agree with them to an extent, but at the same time I can’t help but feeling excited. I still believe that we need him. We need him to be a real Man of the People. I can’t help but be happy for the country. For the African Americans, for all of us that voted for him, and mostly for the significance it has on the greatest country in human history. We see men as men. Our children will see that we can get along. We are in this together.

We have a long ways to go to dig ourselves out of this hole we are in. Economically floundering, a country in a war most don’t agree with (even though most did when it started), a country that is trying to find itself again. This country is in trouble, but we will persevere. We will come out stronger than ever. It is up to us, not Barack Obama. President Obama is the spokesperson for where we need to go, but in the end it is us that will get us where we need to go. It is up to us to make our voices heard, build ourselves back up, and to become the country we want it to be.

Relax today, enjoy the moment. Celebrate the historical significance of electing this man. After the celebrations are over, we still need to get to work.

We still need to pay our bills, and we still need to do more.

Applaud our troops when they come home. They didn’t start the war. They fought it though. For us. Give them the respect they deserve.

Americans… still believe in an America where anything’s possible – they just don’t think their leaders do.
~Barack Obama

Get involved. Do what you have to do to get yourself out of the hole you are in. I know that worrying about anyone else is nearly impossible for us when we are barely surviving ourselves. I know that it is easy to wish for a free pass. This isn’t reality. President Obama is not going to do it all for you. We still need to do it ourselves and for each other. This is a new beginning. This is OUR America. This is OUR time.

But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don’t understand is that this election has never been about me. It’s been about you.

~Barack Obama, Thursday, August 28, 2008 at 08:00 PM, DNC Nomination Acceptance Speech

Barack Obama DNC Nomination Acceptance Speech for Presidential Candidacy

Barack Obama Presidential Acceptance Speech

America! Fuck Yeah!

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