This post is to keep together a bunch of funny text messages I have seen, or sent, and let people leave some of the best ones they received, or sent to others. I think I have about 75 here, but feel free to leave some comments with classics you have seen, or sent.
Also, while you are being funny and you actually still call people on the phone, I suggest the heavy breathing phone call. Nothing is more hilarious (to yourself) than the reactions of friends and family when you give them the old heavy breathing phone call.
Funny Text (SMS) Messages:
I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids…
I am not your type … I am not inflatable.
I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!
I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils…
Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster
A girl phoned me the other day and said…”Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home
At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?
i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i lauf again
20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand
A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.
Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!
Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!
Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.
BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelievable sex tonight! If you break this chain, you’ll never have multiple orgasms again!
Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don’t care, me don’t cry, me just happy that a cow can’t fly!!
Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching………still searching……get a good grip of your mobile….still searching…….no brains found.
Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all!
Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .
Don’t feel sad, don’t feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !
E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.
Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.
For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?”
God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!
God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!
HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!
Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now….. sorry I will leave, I can’t find a brain.
Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..
How would you like your egg for breakfast…. hard-boiled or impregnated?
I am a killer,I kill people for money…..But because you are my friend,I’ll kill you for nothing!
I just got 2 remote control helicopters for our blind date. BTW…I’m only 9. Sorry if you thought I was older.
If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.
If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.
If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.
Ik would like to be a volcano… smoke all day and people say … look he is working!
In case of fire read this message……………………………….I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!
I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!
This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience
Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!
I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION
It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word … MOI!!
Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???
Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything … dial my number!
My feelings for you are like the sea. ” Wild and romantic ? ” “No, they make me sick.”
My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment…
Nice perfume… but do you really need to marinate in it?
Sex is a sensation. It’s about a man’s temptation, putting his location in a woman’s destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?
Hi, I am an alien and I’ve just transformed into your phone and right now I’m having sex with your finger. I know you like it, because you’re smiling now!!
Mean people suck, Nice people swallow! !
A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum, A kiss ain’t a kiss, without some tounge. So open up your mouth, and close your eyes, and give your tounge Some exercise!
CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND.
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!
One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.
Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.
Read in a hospital… The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed.
roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????
roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn’t…
Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ………………
Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not!