Crap TV Flashbacks: Perfect Strangers

The great sheep herder from Mypos, Balki Bartokomaus moves in with his Cousin Larry Appleton. Balki is a complete moron that only knows about America from television in his home country. In fact, the more that I think about it, Fez from That 70s Show is a complete rip-off of Balki.

Balki is known for his great “Dance of Joy” that is pretty much is nothing more than what cartoonish people do if they are pretending to be Russian.

Balki and Cousin (Balki says it like cooosin) Larry performed many great hijinks like going crazy when things like ostrich feathers fly out of their pillows. They fear their fat boss (E)rnie Sabella who actually is the boss on Saved By the Bell when they work at the beach club as well.

A fun loving show for sure, but still crap. Basically just like Bosom Buddies, except with out the dresses, and the ferner, and well I guess, everything except 2 guys living together. More like the movie Twin for TV or something.

Perfect Strangers ran for eight seasons from 1986 through 1993 on ABC.

Perfect Strangers Intro

The Falcon Punch and Other Disrespect Towards Women

If this post doesn’t offend you…well you have serious problems.

The Falcon Punch is now a legendary internet phenomenon. A Falcon punch is best known to be used to end the untimely pregnancy of a loved one in a humane manner, especially if the loved one happens to be under the age of sixteen who strut around in their thigh high boots trying to GET IT ON with other bratty teens (send hate mail to Hillary Clinton). Simply put, a slang term used to describe a back alley abortion, which is what scared teens who have become pregnant consider when trying to hide it from their parents.

The best way to deliver a quick, effective Falcon Punch is by cocking your fist back, throwing your chest out, and screaming “FALCOOOOON!” at the top of your lungs. The scream should slowly increase in pitch and volume and gather power as it continues, until you’ve gathered enough win in your hand to crush the undesired fetus. Then, unleash the gathered fury in your fist and use it to abort your girlfriend’s illegitimate child, whilst using a new scream that simply states the action you are doing at that very moment: “PUUUUNCH!

There is a correct pronunciation of the term Falcon Punch, and it is not just “FALCON PUNCH!!!”. The term is pronounced correctly only when said in this way:

Falc-own PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNCH!

Here is an example of a Falcon Punch in action:

Falcon Punch

As the title suggests, there are quite a few people on the internet that like to disgrace women, and I have found some images in a few threads recently that do just that. Living by basic stereotypes of man’s perceived dominance over women and their place being in the kitchen these images take it to the extreme.

These two are simply awful. The first is way over the top as well as the second one, but the second one does utilize the Parody Motivator Generator if you were wondering where everyone gets those images.

Knockherout

dishes-do-them-now-demotivational-poster

eye

Then of course a Chuck Norris one where he lets his woman know that the man is supposed to be driving at all times:

Norris

This one is sort of a remake on some Safety Ads that were posted on Youtube from Canada a while back:

burn

Here is the original video where that image came from:

Here is a video of a prank on this guy’s girl that was a bit over the top:

Crap TV Flashbacks: Mr. Belvedere

Another classic show worthy of frying your brain, Mr. Belvedere. Mr. Belvedere is an American sitcom based on the Lynn Belvedere character created by Gwen Davenport for her 1947 novel Belvedere. Originally aired on ABC from March 15, 1985 until July 8, 1990.. Actually I was never aware that this was based upon a book, but Wiki has a detailed write up on the subject if you are interested here.

This show actually had people you have heard of before so it had that going for it. Like a lot of shows in that era they had washed up athletes taking on roles in a family. In this case it is the infamous Bob Euker playing the part of George Owens, a sportswriter (big stretch eh?). The series stars Christopher Hewett as Mr. Belvedere, who takes a job with an American family as a butler. Of course he was much more than a butler as you can imagine.

Much like every other show in the era some stranger rolls in off the street to fix every family problem that arises in a hilarious way. From finding the best acne treatment for the teenage daughter, to talking to the kids about all the lessons of life that only a stranger could do.

Of course these shows from back then had much better theme music than most you are going to get now. They are happy little tunes that aren’t just jacked songs from recording artists.

Mr. Belvedere Opening Theme and Closing Outro:

You really can’t mention the Mr. Belveder theme without at least mentioning the Family Guy take on the show. Not only am I going to mention it, but I am going to give you the video of Stewie of Family Guy doing Mr. Belvedere.

Do You Laugh?: Best Freestyle Rap Battle Ever

There is nothing better than public access television. Especially when the people utilize the amazing visuals that these stations provide. These guys have established one of the best Rap Battle shows out there. You cannot deny the quality of talent that will be shown in this video. The slow mo, the fade outs. Just incredible. You are going to need air cleaners to clean up the air in your room because you are going to shit yourself at how great this is. My boy Eli is unstoppable.

Crap TV Flashbacks: Small Wonder

Now this show was truly terrible. I don’t even know any of the actors that were in it off the top of my head, but I do know that when it was on I thought it was the dumbest show I had ever seen. Of course I probably watched it as re-runs a few times, but I can’t be positive.

This show was about some goon named Ted Lawson, a professional Roboticist and cybernetic architect, has secretly built V.I.C.I (Voice Input Child Identicant), a Domestic robot and Gynoid. V.I.C.I. (Vicki) was engineered to perform house work at Superhuman speed like she was hopped up on diet pills and designed in the guise of a 10-year-old Caucasian female. Ted had originally intended for V.I.C.I. to help out the lives of disabled veterans, but he fears his boss would steal his work so he pretended that she was his adopted daughter. Pervert.

Small Wonder Intro:

Just terrible. Of course the crap television writers back then were still probably better than the writers we have for the rubbish we see on our televisions today.

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