The “Slay the Beast” Poster

This poor soul has it made they will tell you. They are beating the women off with a stick and can’t be bothered with images of beautiful women posted online. In fact you could post a pic of Stacey Keibler and they would tell you to “Slay the Beast”. They’ve had better, and where this guy comes from, she is just “average”.

Other names for this poster are:

Message Board Pimps

Internet Cassanova

Virgin

There are No Women on the Internet

This is a clear and precise fact if you only post on gaming boards and sports boards. Any time a woman posts you have to say that “There are no women on the interwebs.” Clearly no woman would be interested in sports or video games so this person has to be an imposter. Even the women that are on the internet are just virtual images used for porn sites. Those aren’t even real women. Just some sort of photoshop scam.

Many times you will run into a message board poster that states “I am a girl”. This is a lie. THERE ARE NO WOMEN ON THE INTERNET. They are just robots programmed by men to get them to post more on the boards, or to promote some sort of pornographic site.

Every poster that claims to be female is actually just a dirty old man that wants to mess with other men in hopes that they will either A) Get lucky somehow, B) Make the other man look like a fool, or C) Get these men to visit their porn site.

Fortunately, this is not true. There actually are women on the internet and they do like sports, video games, and sometimes even porn. They aren’t in the majority of the message board posters on these particular forums, but there are a few here and there. If you meet one of these women, odds are that they are very unattractive. You’re a grotesque troll anyways, so really why would you care? This is probably the only chance you get to actually hold a conversation with a woman other than your relatives.

So I guess if you have a low sense of self-esteem and are afraid of women you can always post: “There are no women on the internets.” and wallow in your own miserable life.

Posting=Caring

Don’t let anyone fool you. When people get riled up on message boards they start to say that they just don’t care anymore when they have been bested. Keep laying it on folks. They DO care, and care a lot. If they didn’t they wouldn’t be posting. MIRITE? Posting=Caring. This is non-negotiable and you need to let them know it.

lol myspace


Nothing that has ever been invented is lamer than Myspace. People that use Myspace, or talk about Myspace are subject to extreme message board prejudice. If you see someone pasting their Myspace link, or asking a question about Myspace, you should race to the submit message link and immediately type:

“lol myspace”.

These people need to be mocked. Getting templates made by 8 year olds and playing music that was recorded in a cellar do not constitute anything “cool”. If you have a Myspace you should be ashamed and suicide is a possible option.

You are Not the Grammar Police

Correcting someone’s spelling does not make you the Grammar Police. It is rather annoying, but you are more aptly referred to as the Spelling Police. Don’t get caught using the terms incorrectly. Actually if the topic is dying you could string out a few more worthless posts by using the wrong term. Like you, there are plenty of other people that feel better about themselves when they point out another’s faults. If you can handle some ribbing and take one for the team for the sake of keeping a thread alive then by all means, post something that is totally wrong on purpose.

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